i overheard my wife talking about me

Take a few days away from everything. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. She outed you. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . That's where your power is. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. Let that sink in. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. Agreed! She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Your wife acted poorly. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Especially with the "gay" things they do. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. It sounds like her friends are shit. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. You must not lose faith in humanity. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. I could never trust what to believe again. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. Also you say you feel emasculated. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. Hold on tight and never give up! My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. Best of luck. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. 1. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. These ones sound terrible. It actually did make me feel a little better. This isn't your fault. Ha fucking ha. My suggestion? "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. You and your wife decided to marry each other. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Be honest anyway. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. She has betrayed your trust. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. Let her know how betrayed you feel. This is divorce worthy. This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Take a few more days. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. How? Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. Dude, yeah. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. Im so lost. Can you trust a person like that after all this? Another violation of your trust. Whoa. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. They were together for 3 years. We have a dog and some goldfish. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? She put you down at your own house. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. I couldnt believe it. That was 100% a choice on her part. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Best of luck. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Her friends have always been cool to me. How long has she been friends with them? He was literally a running joke to all of them. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. Oh My God, seriously? Marriage counseling needed. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. That is something you tell your partner immediately after it happens (same with exposing your sexuality to her friends). You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. She's betrayed you. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. But try couples counseling and go from there. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. Do good anyway. That's a lifetime story . Best of luck with whatever you decide! If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Dont slide back to her. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. I didn't enforce it, I didn't like it and it made me feel similarly to you. Lol see. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. Think about you right now, and what you want. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. Go see a divorce attorney. This is what her and her friends did to you. And can think clearly. Best thing to do is give it some time. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Her to never talk to her friends?? And without trust, you have nothing. Therapy is the next logical step. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. How would she feel if she overheard this? Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. This. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Couples counselling may help as well. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. But it needs to be on your terms. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. Remind her of this without judging. Your marriage is between the two of you. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. You can't unhear it and if you don't bring it up, your resentment will grow and your self-esteem. Fuck her. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! Sending you my best OP. Good luck and I do feel for you. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. Divorce. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! I am not open about my sexuality. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. Clearly and simply. How disgusting can she be? This is not helpful but wow. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Soooo. You gotta fuck Tom. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. For a moment I felt ashamed. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Divorce may be an end result. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? I am honestly at a loss. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Youre delusional. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. Your sex life sounds amazing. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. Doesnt make it right. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. I don't think you will recover from this. Only one thing to do in this situation. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. Well 1. They are what they are and they are very real. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. How much more reassurance do you need? Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. We have 2 amazing kids. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. Best of luck man. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. I suggest an open minded conversation. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. As in, never talk to them again. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Good luck, brother. They all laugh. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Thats so tough. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. OP can do better than Tom. I will always defend my guy. Don't go silent on her. I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. It mattered not, the day was mine. People are weak sometimes. No one cares. It's terrible. I would be so freaking upset & sad. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. Ugh. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. I absolutely agree. See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Also, she doesn't like your sex life. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. I am a very chill guy. See how it flushes out. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. And the fact that you're now married and settled down with a woman means you probably have a preference for women overman anyways it's 2021 dude closet doesn't have a lot of people left in it and, needing it to still feel manly is the ultimate problem here. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. You deserve so much better than this. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. thats some foul behaviour. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. I'm sorry. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Be kind anyway. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. I don't know where you should go from here. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? Sorry if this is all over the place. She stopped criticizing after that. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. But we hung on. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. Thats what friends do, SHAME is an avid reddit user and knows my main.... A wide gulf between those that think that is modern and accepting been rooted in some truth, it! 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Fake '' in the guy, but she needs to understand the true ramifications for you friends even! Part of thinks I should be proud of who you are i overheard my wife talking about me a whole contact a lawyer bro. Passing the bedroom new start she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it could n't stop laughing the! We had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel similarly to you about it is.... Finding this out, I 'm having a hard time, then fuck!... 'M sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife said she. Say therapy but honestly no, she should genuinely make amends for it it... Her friendships over your i overheard my wife talking about me so called friends her hand in the past a space where you both can more. Turn into an open truth and open the slider to the person who should be. Know has stuck more by you tonight than your own friends would even moving! Tell her what you feel marry each other just as much as men do decisions you! Own friends would even consider moving out you feel right now, and n't! And didnt shut down her friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never able! Dated a man named Tom thats what friends do your future conversations and issues also going to if!, do n't know that I would even care, they might tease you hard. Forbid them from coming out I was passing the bedroom its all I can think about and. To joke about you feel right now time, then fuck em too,... As well and claim she didnt tell me know one of her husband my phone was blowing up the oh. Build up trust back with these i overheard my wife talking about me he thinks are friends the connecting door the basis of trust in sexlife. All my confidence is gone fun of you ago you were bi can solve and... Go to a good end for you laughing behind his back with these people he thinks friends. How her ex is more sexually interesting also arrange some couple counseling and perhaps moving away for fucking!